Honour

 Another great thinker recently asked me a poignant and unlikely question which was 'What is honour?'. I am at a loss for a clear answer.

    When did I recently feel honor? Did I feel honored at the not-so-bad appraisal that I got last year.On the contrary I felt humbled.Did I feel honored when I won the WACC photography competition - I felt good maybe but not honored.Did I feel honored by the bravo remarks for the various small acts - a good strike on a carrom board , a good solution at the workplace , a good piece of appreciation for an opinion that I put forth/the spirit that I put forth.May be?

    Honour is acknowledgement - is it? Is honour the acknowledgement by others ? Or is honor the acknowledgement of oneself by oneself.

   I think  it is time to look at the dictionary now.This is what dictionary.com says

honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions: aman of honor.

  Honestly, this is what I was coming to because that is what I felt as I was taking a walk with my daughter.Honor is about living by what you believe in.If I think that running behind money does not feel right and living with freedom by one's convictions is what matters and I still run after money, then I am not leading a life of honor

   Honor and integrity.I am reminded of a silly fight with a friend.My contention was not that the action/words from his side were intolerable - what was intolerable was that he did it and it did not fit into his character.It was perfectly fine if someone else did the same.This again brings up disintegrity.

    Why this honor? Why must your actions be in line with your thoughts? Your being realises the incoherence and you start feeling a discomfort. There is a being somewhere within you that is neither your thoughts nor your actions nor your achievements.This guys feels right if you are all integrity and honor.

   No wonder that I have not felt honor for a long time because I am leading more or less a run-of -the-mill lifestyle while my thoughts yearn for putting themselves into practice

   To be honorable, you need to follow your heart fully...

   

kurakkunna naaya

  Oru divasam vaikunneram aappante suhruiththine oru naayayittodichchu .. kurachchodi kazhinjappol mazha peythu .. angane suhruththu oru bakeryntullil kaeri ninnu.. Naaya pokaathe bakeryde munpil ninnu .. 

   Suhruthhtu naayayoodu paranju .. " injingottu kaerikko.Allae thanne iNakku kuraykkunnathaa .. mazhayum koodi kollenda ... "

Time

 It is ponder time again .. The subject of ponder - time.What is time? What is the sense of time ?

What is time to me ? Time to me is a tool that makes me experience something 'before' / 'after' the other .. Time is the waiting for something to happen... 

    When did I experience time today .. I experienced time when I did not have enough of my mid-day carroms break and was forced to go back to my desk. I experienced when I felt that my tea break was a really long one today with discussions on various 'isms'. I experienced time when a seemingly arbitrary issue got quickly resolved with the help of Renjith - I felt happy that it got resolved quickly.Again, in the morning a shady customer issue got quickly resolved with basic analysis.I experienced time as 'Lucky me - could get this out in time'.

    When I was working on figuring out the issue with Renjith, I did not feel time.Time was not in my consciousness = so to speak.Is time something in my consciousness only?Is time 'real'?

What does 'real' mean? Real is something that exists outside me.It is independent of my perception.It is there even if not perceived.

    The discomfort that I felt as the clock ticked late in the afternoon and I was forced to go back to work is not real.It is just my perception.It exists only in my consciousness.Similarly, time exists only in my consciousness - is it? 

   Space is used to position something.But space is insufficient.Taj Mahal was not present in the space where Taj Mahal is present when Taj Mahal was not.So you define the universe using space and time.In this sense, time is real.

    You can define the entire universe as it exists in this one instant using space.But you cannot define the continuum of universe using just space.You need time.

   Let us assume that universe is just two items - one - the pen cap next to my laptop and two the laptop.And I am the (0,0,0) of this space universe.

At t1

Laptop is (5,4,3)

Pen  at ( 3,5,6)

At t2

Laptop is at (6,3,4)

Pen at (4,3,7)

There is no relation between the position of the pen and the laptop or the time when laptop/pen is at which position.

   I imagine threads in air to represent the position of the laptop.Ideally, there is never a thread because at every instant in time, there is just a dot.

    Imagination would be more accurate if you imagine the varying positions as the twinkling of stars on a clear night where by some magic , only one star is twinking at any one instant.

    Now , this model disjoints the position of the pen and the time of position ruthlessly.This may not be true enough because physically when the pen is placed in position 1 at instant 1 and at position 2 at instant 2 , the change of position is not totally independent of the previous position.There is a very skewed distribution of the set of positions that the next instant can assume.Hence the twinking star model is incorrect.

     It is still incorrect to assume a thread in air model.

    Next model is an electric bulb illumination line where one bulb lights up , then next and then next. B1 blinks , then b2, then b3 , THEN b4 , THEN b5.. This THEN is time.This would be a purely physical thingy view of things - inanimate , cold

    It is not such physical time that bothers us really.I am not bothered that it takes one hour for my car to blink through the illumination line to reach office.I am bothered that I am trapped inside my car and in this time, I cannot do lot of things that I want to do.That is the 'Time' that I am worried about.That is a pretty old topic - I know that.

   So what next? I need to feel that I had a good 'Time' always.Time in the perception is what bothers - may not be what matters.When you feel that you lose all your time in office and in traffic, you are not feeling right.When my mind was focussing on the exact point on the carrom coin that I need to thumb on, there was no time in my perception.When car stereo music ( especially in quite night drives) synch up with you completely, there is no time.When the office party programme thambola event becomes a drag, time suddenly surfaces.If you feel time, you are not aligned with what is happening in that 'time'.

    ok .. time for you to say ......

Norm

		Norm    Norm		07/18/2004 - 07/24/2004         • Rediff.com Syndicate this Blog (RSS/XML feed)
	Tuesday, July 20, 2004 The man of stature  sorrowful creature  head held high  hearts go dry  Time runs fast  so many times past  the heart looks on  head plods on  The girl changed life  became his wife  heart looked dull  head in a lull  Her strength flowed  through bed and food  man withered down  the child shone  Under the crown's shade  the diamond gleamed  filled with joy  a hopeful soliloquy  Posted by cinish narayanan on 03:38 AM

Meaning

		Meaning    Meaning		07/18/2004 - 07/24/2004         • Rediff.com Syndicate this Blog (RSS/XML feed)
	Tuesday, July 20, 2004 I search for in the poem  in life  in her as I lie there lost  no in money  no in love no in pain no  what if people die what if I die what if he is rich what if rollsroyce  the green and the red  the blue off the rose the shine on the nose the soft love  the glitz  is there in it  I can't find  anywhere  Is that a cry  Is that a farce Is that a win Is that a loss Is the shell the only resort Is truth less stones or men  do we need a different  set of adjectives or will life always suck rich or poor find the shell that keeps  you sane and guarded break one and find the next take more gradually keep the rhythms in stride game over best lover money loser nobody was watching  all for nothing thanks Posted by cinish narayanan on 03:25 AM

Skill

 This is written by my irrepressible talent to be a great writer.I have tried to not write this but how much , how long will you restrain the creative fire - sorry I could just not resist this outpour of talent.

      As a writer,I can create a universe of my choice whenever I feel like.Now,I just felt like creating the scenery of a marriage gathering that happens in rural villages in Kerala.I have started seeing the people in my mind's eye.The only thing I need to do now is to write down what I see!

Unbelievable - The talent - Irrepresible.

     In my mind's eye I see the following.

    A steel rented chair on which a thin frail simple man sits with his elbows to the table talking to the man behind the newspaper in front of him.Now,all I need to do is to move my mind's eye behind the newspaper so that I will know who is sitting next to the simple man I just mentioned.The simple man has  been named 'Nanu'.

     'Excuse me - 1 min please' and I move the newspaper to reveal the friendly kind smiling face of Gopalan uncle with his curly hair and white mundu and white shirt.He is smiling at my irrepresible talent.

   Nanu uncle turns to me and asks me - 'Actually, what are you upto son? ' and chuckles. I have always been fascinated by the prospect of writing and creating universes.I have read through so many books and have been amazed as universes unfold through reading.I know that I have an inclination, a love , a feel for writing.Most of all, I have the skill.

    So I have decided to write a story.Hearing all this, Chathu( grand dad) comes in and asks 'Son , do you have humor in your story - or is it a serious story'.Definitely, there will be humor in my story.

     Nanu uncle says 'Ok son - I will tell you an interesting incident - see if you can fit it in your story.Once a friend of mine saw a deaf person speaking to a normal person.The normal person would also be communicating in sign language as the deaf would not understand. You know what this friend did - He went to the group and asked - Tell me one thing, which of you is deaf'

This evoked a light clear laughter from the group.

     I thought - 'Wow - amazing.Rustic humor has a touch that is priceless.I am going to create this scene in my mind's eye and just write it down in my blog - Yes, that is what I will do..'

    I did exactly that and my story grew - I  have written all that you are reading in a mere 15 minutes.At this rate, if you project this to a month of writing - averaging 2 hours a day, I should be able to write 2-3 books and publish one by the end of this month.

   As tax cut would pinch my software salary in the coming months, the royalty earned from my upcoming book should help out .... 

  Thank god atlast I have repressed my talent....  

P.S. - Will be back when I fail to repress the creativity...

spark?

   This is just twenty five times nothings one after the other.I am just using the internet so that I can look at this at a later point with a different perception/perspective .. you are not supposed to read it actually :)

       I have always reflected on things that I have happened in my blogs.Never have I written a story.I sit here with the intention of writing something that has not happened.That is what a story is.Something that has not happened.

       I have never been to Andaman.I have some vague idea of what it might look like.Also,I always talk of myself.Let me send my protagonist to Andaman and describe an imaginary ambience and talk of him against this setting.

   Nature has a very profound impact.While you read lines like behind the ashy rocky, the breeze is swift and cool or water gushed in huge spurts from the black rocks , you imagine the scene and your mind is filled with the scenery and you picture these as you read.

    Come to think of it, I have not read a lot of books that paints nature a lot.Lot of people and lot about people - that is what books I recently read are.How about a book about nature.

    A book that treats a terrain as a family and the river , the mud , the plants , the animals as characters. River tells us how it fought through the rocks for years on end to bring water to the now fertile land.Fertile land in it's self conceit disregards the rivers.Vegetation is the next generation.Attracted by greenery, animals come in .. settle ... procreate .. jump around making the habitat frolicky .. 

    Would such a novel be an ugran bore like 'Vaarikkuzhiyile kolapaathakam .. ".Not necessarily - I see prospect here.But then I am not the expert on this subject

    

Comfortably Numb

  It was a busy New York street.I had to get to the other side of the street so that I could get back later on.I could see beautiful clean sleek shiny cars and buses rushing through. All I wanted to do was to cross the road - a stretch of a few meters and I am expected to wait on for hours on end.Did not make sense.It was unjust.I couldn't stand it any longer and I decided to stand/rather walk for what I felt is right.I focussed on the point of the other side of the road that I wanted to reach and I step......

          I turned into a bloat of marshy flesh on the road.My skull was bludgeoned and my right eye popped out of the socket strung back to the socket by yellow yoke as in Salvador Dali's paintings.My white shirt was soaked in blood..My legs hurt all the way up to my shoulders.Outstanding eveything was a feeling of numbness.A delirium that I fell in love with.I started losing my pain.I couldn't be bothered to cry for help.I did not want to avoid vehicles from running over me again.I lay there as a smile placed itself on my lips.My cheeks rose as the smile flowed into my heart and resurfaced on my face.

        I lay there for years as more and more vehicles passed over me.Passers by who were tourists shocked into vomits at the grotesque sight while the localites ....

     Hello .. this is a friend .. He is smiling again ..