Honour

 Another great thinker recently asked me a poignant and unlikely question which was 'What is honour?'. I am at a loss for a clear answer.

    When did I recently feel honor? Did I feel honored at the not-so-bad appraisal that I got last year.On the contrary I felt humbled.Did I feel honored when I won the WACC photography competition - I felt good maybe but not honored.Did I feel honored by the bravo remarks for the various small acts - a good strike on a carrom board , a good solution at the workplace , a good piece of appreciation for an opinion that I put forth/the spirit that I put forth.May be?

    Honour is acknowledgement - is it? Is honour the acknowledgement by others ? Or is honor the acknowledgement of oneself by oneself.

   I think  it is time to look at the dictionary now.This is what dictionary.com says

honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions: aman of honor.

  Honestly, this is what I was coming to because that is what I felt as I was taking a walk with my daughter.Honor is about living by what you believe in.If I think that running behind money does not feel right and living with freedom by one's convictions is what matters and I still run after money, then I am not leading a life of honor

   Honor and integrity.I am reminded of a silly fight with a friend.My contention was not that the action/words from his side were intolerable - what was intolerable was that he did it and it did not fit into his character.It was perfectly fine if someone else did the same.This again brings up disintegrity.

    Why this honor? Why must your actions be in line with your thoughts? Your being realises the incoherence and you start feeling a discomfort. There is a being somewhere within you that is neither your thoughts nor your actions nor your achievements.This guys feels right if you are all integrity and honor.

   No wonder that I have not felt honor for a long time because I am leading more or less a run-of -the-mill lifestyle while my thoughts yearn for putting themselves into practice

   To be honorable, you need to follow your heart fully...

   

kurakkunna naaya

  Oru divasam vaikunneram aappante suhruiththine oru naayayittodichchu .. kurachchodi kazhinjappol mazha peythu .. angane suhruththu oru bakeryntullil kaeri ninnu.. Naaya pokaathe bakeryde munpil ninnu .. 

   Suhruthhtu naayayoodu paranju .. " injingottu kaerikko.Allae thanne iNakku kuraykkunnathaa .. mazhayum koodi kollenda ... "

Time

 It is ponder time again .. The subject of ponder - time.What is time? What is the sense of time ?

What is time to me ? Time to me is a tool that makes me experience something 'before' / 'after' the other .. Time is the waiting for something to happen... 

    When did I experience time today .. I experienced time when I did not have enough of my mid-day carroms break and was forced to go back to my desk. I experienced when I felt that my tea break was a really long one today with discussions on various 'isms'. I experienced time when a seemingly arbitrary issue got quickly resolved with the help of Renjith - I felt happy that it got resolved quickly.Again, in the morning a shady customer issue got quickly resolved with basic analysis.I experienced time as 'Lucky me - could get this out in time'.

    When I was working on figuring out the issue with Renjith, I did not feel time.Time was not in my consciousness = so to speak.Is time something in my consciousness only?Is time 'real'?

What does 'real' mean? Real is something that exists outside me.It is independent of my perception.It is there even if not perceived.

    The discomfort that I felt as the clock ticked late in the afternoon and I was forced to go back to work is not real.It is just my perception.It exists only in my consciousness.Similarly, time exists only in my consciousness - is it? 

   Space is used to position something.But space is insufficient.Taj Mahal was not present in the space where Taj Mahal is present when Taj Mahal was not.So you define the universe using space and time.In this sense, time is real.

    You can define the entire universe as it exists in this one instant using space.But you cannot define the continuum of universe using just space.You need time.

   Let us assume that universe is just two items - one - the pen cap next to my laptop and two the laptop.And I am the (0,0,0) of this space universe.

At t1

Laptop is (5,4,3)

Pen  at ( 3,5,6)

At t2

Laptop is at (6,3,4)

Pen at (4,3,7)

There is no relation between the position of the pen and the laptop or the time when laptop/pen is at which position.

   I imagine threads in air to represent the position of the laptop.Ideally, there is never a thread because at every instant in time, there is just a dot.

    Imagination would be more accurate if you imagine the varying positions as the twinkling of stars on a clear night where by some magic , only one star is twinking at any one instant.

    Now , this model disjoints the position of the pen and the time of position ruthlessly.This may not be true enough because physically when the pen is placed in position 1 at instant 1 and at position 2 at instant 2 , the change of position is not totally independent of the previous position.There is a very skewed distribution of the set of positions that the next instant can assume.Hence the twinking star model is incorrect.

     It is still incorrect to assume a thread in air model.

    Next model is an electric bulb illumination line where one bulb lights up , then next and then next. B1 blinks , then b2, then b3 , THEN b4 , THEN b5.. This THEN is time.This would be a purely physical thingy view of things - inanimate , cold

    It is not such physical time that bothers us really.I am not bothered that it takes one hour for my car to blink through the illumination line to reach office.I am bothered that I am trapped inside my car and in this time, I cannot do lot of things that I want to do.That is the 'Time' that I am worried about.That is a pretty old topic - I know that.

   So what next? I need to feel that I had a good 'Time' always.Time in the perception is what bothers - may not be what matters.When you feel that you lose all your time in office and in traffic, you are not feeling right.When my mind was focussing on the exact point on the carrom coin that I need to thumb on, there was no time in my perception.When car stereo music ( especially in quite night drives) synch up with you completely, there is no time.When the office party programme thambola event becomes a drag, time suddenly surfaces.If you feel time, you are not aligned with what is happening in that 'time'.

    ok .. time for you to say ......